May 26th, 2006

Fred had another upper GI this morning, and the nurse asked him who was going to drive him home. He answered, "My wife." "Well, where IS she?" "Out there in the waiting room." "There's no woman in the waiting room....Just a man." "That's my wife." "You mean the guy in the baseball cap?" "Yeah, the lady in the baseball cap." Guess I need to make sure I wear some dangling earrings when we go out next time. Or was the nurse thinking Fred and I had something to do with "Brokeback Mountain?" Well, Fred insisted I wear the Mariners' cap this time. At least the sparkling ones that Karen sent me leave no doubt that I'm female.

I really shouldn't be driving yet, but someone had to bring him home. Besides, I had an appointment w/my surgeon's PA 2 hours after Fred's procedure, and that was just across the street. So, I hadn't had any pain killers since before going to bed last night.

I was hoping that they'd take out my drain tubes, but no such luck. My next appointment with them is June 7th, so I guess I'll be messing with these bothersome thingy's until then, at least. These "saddle bags" surely aren't attractive, so I literally "put a sock on it!" by using black footie socks to hold the bulbs, pinning the socks inside my shirt, and away I go. Problem is that the tubes are quite long and tend to grab the knobs on the kitchen and bathroom cabinets. Talk about a battleground!

We've noticed that my eyebrows keep getting thinner, but there does seem to be a teensy white fuzz on my scalp.

Oh, yes, I'm still getting arenesp shots every week to help build up my red cells. That was yesterday.

I didn't get much sleep during the days until yesterday, because it's very difficult for me to both lie down and get up out of bed by myself without feeling acute pain or thinking I'm ripping open the stitches.

The pathologist reported that there was still a .5 cm. tumor at the site, and that I had clear wide margins this time. The right side had some hyperplasia, but nothing cancerous....yet. I believe I did the right thing, after all.

Oh, and they removed my port. It seems I won't be having any more chemo. It was also in their sterile field, so Friday they had to again try to find a vein for IV. I think they tried about 5 times downstairs, then took me upstairs to pre-op where they tried a couple MORE times. My poor right arm still has 2 bright purple bruises a week later. It seems that chemo can cause scar tissue on the veins, so they can get the NEEDLE in, but not the bigger plastic sleeve. I forgot to ask if that's a forever condition or what?

The PA said I could gently sponge bathe my stitch area with disinfectant soap, but still no showers. I just never imagined how much I CAN'T do for awhile since the other three surgeries (albeit minor) were so EASY and fast healing. I'm hoping to participate in the "RELAY FOR LIFE" June 2-3, at Spokane Falls Community College, since I missed the pink ribbon tea, and other events for cancer survivors. I made a list of relatives of mine and Fred's who've fought a cancer battle and got 25! I made luminaries for each of them, too. Well, maybe I can make an appearance, do the dinner and survivors walk, watch them light the luminaries, and then leave and not camp there. That's simply out of the question right now. I HATE this disease! And yes, I finally figured out who the HTLC people were! I didn't want to miss that, either!

We got our third and last baby calf a couple nights ago. It's pretty active and stands out much more than the other two totally black ones. The new guy has the whitest shade of white for a face. He does look puny compared to the other two who were born 4 and 6 weeks ago. Watching the calves with my binoculars while they cavort out in the pasture below does give me quiet pleasure while I have to stay home.

3 Days Post Op

Hello. I did have the bi-lateral masectomy on Friday, and came home yesterday afternoon. Everything seemed to go ok. My older daughter came from Seattle yesterday, so I've got some help around here. They're also sending a nurse out for a couple days to check up on me. I think I'm doing fine. Just tired and falling asleep waiting for the computer to warm up.

Have a great week!

Now What's Happenning?

I saw the radiologist last Friday. They showed me a film on what to expect, explained a lot that went over my head, but the upshot is that I would start with that three weeks after my next surgery. The series would take 20 minutes/day (only a couple minutes for actual radiation) five days a week for six weeks. The weekends are so everybody can rest up! ;-) Ugh!

I see Dr. S tomorrow for pre-op. We don't know if we'll do both, or just one now and the other at time of reconstruction. I really don't want to have to go through all this another few years down the road. Besides, they don't have any guarantees that this hasn't already spread someplace else. If it has, then we'll deal with it when it rears its ugly head. At least it won't be able to spread into my breast again.

I just know that surgery will be this Friday at Valley Hospital. I'm presuming that it'll be at least an overnighter. I know it'll be a bit more complicated than the last one. I really don't crave chocolate, so if anyone knows what would be a close cousin to a heath bar without the chocolate, please let me know.

Be well, everyone!

...It's another....

Ok...Not sure how to post this, but the pathology report was not good. Let's just say that this type of breast cancer is really hard to see. The so-called original tumor showed up as not being there under MRI after the chemo, but the pathologist said it was 5 cm. and that there were also invasive lobular cancer cells all by themselves on over 80 % of the margins. Yes, they're microscopic, but that's the nature of lobular. This can only mean that I have to have a few more surgeries. First off, a masectomy on my left side. Then radiation to the lymphs, then reconstructive--possibly with masectomy on right side at same time. I'm ready. There could be more chemo ahead, too.

Well, Fred's been sick all week. Guess this is getting to him. He didn't want me to catch it, so slept down the hall, but I couldn't stand it. I figured the guest bed is the bigger bed anyway, so, here I was, shuffling down the hall in my robe and slippers, carrying my CPAP under one arm and pillow under the other. I felt like Little Orphan Annie. No, I didn't catch any of it from him. He even had a 102.5 fever, so I made him use my shower, gave him tylenol, made him eat plain jello, (Is jello ever plain?) and his fever came down. So yesterday he went to work, only to come crashing again today. He's missed two days of work already because of this. I just don't know what I'd do without him.

I saw my oncologist today. Yes, I'm still anemic, so therefore the tummy shot. They accessed my port with absolutely NO problems or pain! I must be getting numb.

TV shows only put me to sleep. Except today's History Channel had something on snipers. I knew I wanted to watch because Fred and I were actually social friends with Carlos Hathcock. And sure enough, they had a segment on him. Any Marine knows who Carlos Hathcock is--he shot a VietCong sniper through his scope from several hundred yards. I'd met his wife through the USS Simon Lake Enlisted Wives Club in the early 70's. I was President at that time. His small Marine detachment was assigned to the Simon Lake. I did not know what he had achieved in Vietnam. In fact, we did not know that until we'd read an article in the Sunday paper about him in the late 80's. Carlos was very unassuming. I knew there was something great about him because of the inordinate respect that his Marines displayed for him. He had just a few marksman plaques on his wall in their home, and simply said he was a good marksman. I remember one time going through a case or two of Strawberry Hill with him and his men in a park at Rota, Spain! Well, we were celebrating the success of the Easter Egg Hunt that we'd just put on for the ship's dependents. Ah, memories!

We felt very honored to be invited to his farewell party. He'd contracted MS, and was getting an early medical retirement. Looking back, everyone else in that room knew of his heroism except for Fred and me. We just knew him and his wife as simply great human beings who were deeply loved. Of course, we got together again when we got stationed in Norfolk, VA, but lost contact after Fred got out of the service and we'd become civilians. Carlos passed away in 1999.

It went well...

We got to the Valley Hospital yesterday at 7:00 AM. They tried to access a vein for IV, but no luck. I can't believe I'm such a basket case when it comes to those kinds of pokes. An earlier poke inside my elbow to DRAW blood was no problem, but trying to put in an IV line...heck, that's why I got a port! Needless to say, after some discussion with the anesthesiologist, they got permission and a special person to access my port. Piece of cake.

This delay made me late for the radiologist, but got in around 9 o'clock. Now the job was to locate my tumor via mammagram, (there was a "clip" put in there February 2nd) insert a hollow needle to it, then take another mammagram from another angle to see if on target. Not even close. Let's try again from below and use a longer needle. The doctor said the needle was 9 cm. long with 8 cm. inside. This time he was right on the money, so then he inserted a wire with a hook so the surgeon could know where to cut. All this while I've got my you know what in a wringer to hold it in place while they develop film, make a grid, etc., then check again to see if they got where they were supposed to be. To tell the truth, those needle pricks don't bother me as much as those IV ones. (Probably because I got other things to worry about!) After two and a half hours of this I'm wheeled back to my room. Luckily the original 10:30 surgery time had been changed to 12:00, but now we get the news that Dr. S. is even running late on THAT time. So, we just twiddle our thumbs, thinking about a Heath Bar Blizzard that I want as soon as I can eat something!

I think it was around 2 o'clock that I was on the table. Dr. S. removed an area bigger than a golf ball, but smaller than a tennis ball. Hopefully they got clear margins.

Fred decided he had to get back home to do some chores and seeding or tilling, so he assured me he'd be back after dark with my Blizzard. They feed you well at Valley Hospital. They call it "Room Service." You pick what you want from their menu, call their number, and they'll have it to you within 45 minutes. Pretty good, too! Anyway, the next few hours were still a fog for me, what with the drugs I was on. Around 10 I got a call from Fred saying Dairy Queen was already closed, he'd tried Jack-In-the-Box, and they were closed, too, so was heading to MacDonald's for a strawberry shake. Forty-five minutes later he walked into the room with his booty. Security downstairs had given him a really bad time, more so than the TSA at the airports. Ah, but even the strawberry shake was still cold and filling.

I told him to go home and get some sleep. I was fine. I'd wake up about every 4 hours requiring a pain med, but the graveyard nurse said I could have TWO of them. Well, heck, let's go for it! Dang, that round kept the twinges away for over 8 hours! What woke me up in the morning was the alarms going off on the O2 machine. It was saying my pulse was way too low. It bugged the nurses enough that they just disconnected it! Now the only reason I was to spend the night there was to make sure I didn't stop breathing or beating! I guess they figured I'd made it through the night, so their job was done. I had to get up anyway.

I'm home now. We stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home, and I got my Heath Blizzard after all. I took some meds a couple hours ago, but don't expect I'll need anymore till bedtime. Doc used glue and butterfly bandaids to close the incision, and that part looks pretty good. Big bruise, though. I'm just sleepy. I'll be seeing Doctor Surgeon next Wednesday. By then we'll have the pathology report to see whether or not more surgery is required. Look for my next post then.

Again, thank you for your notes of encouragement and everything else you've done for me. I don't feel alone because of all of you.

Looking Good!

Well, Folks, things are looking good. My oncologist, surgeon, and radiologist finally got together for a powwow and decided that I should just have a lumpectomy followed by radiation to both the tumor area and nodes. I saw Dr. Surgeon this morning, and had to bring up another lump in my other breast. It just didn't seem possible with what's gone on with the tumor shrinking and all. But to be on the safe side, we had an ultrasound that confirmed it was just another one of those cysts. So, the surgery is on for Friday, Cinco de Mayo.

Had a great weekend in ND at my niece's wedding. It was in the same church where Fred and I got married almost 37 years ago. The church was just as beautiful as when we got married there. They even got a new piano for the wedding! I guess they didn't want the same thing happening at theirs as had happened at ours....The organ had quit the morning of our wedding, so our soloist had to sing a capella while we walked in during his first song. This time our soloist's sister played while her son sang. Got to see all the in-laws, some uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, plus all my own kids and grandchildren. We even got to catch up with some old school-mates from back in the 60's. BTW, they sure do know how to throw a party back there. Seems that there were 308 places set besides what was at the head table. (I don't think the town has more than 45 people in it.)

After the sit down buffet, they moved a couple tables out to make room for the dance. Even my grandchildren learned the Charleston Stomp and the Chicken among others. Then around 10:30, they announced if anyone was still hungry, that there were sandwiches in the kitchen. When the dance was all over, they announced that the party would move to the soloist's garage a couple blocks down the street. That's when Fred and I took the grandchildren and the pregnant mommy and her husband home. (Now, for me, that HAD to mean I was tired!)

I also had time to visit my sisters and brother who live back there. Some of their kids and grandkids gathered around for an afternoon visit. My brother is short, wide, and pretty bald. So they had to get pictures of us from both front and back to see if they could tell us apart. Even my son-in-law got in on the one at the counter. It was so hard to keep a straight face.

When my grandchildren walked into my sister's house, I wasn't ready for them with a head covering. So of course I got a few questions. But later when I put my wig on for the wedding, my 4-year-old grandson looked up at me, studied me for awhile, and asked, "Your hair come back already?" After the dance while I was tucking him into bed, my hair came off, and his eyes just moved from the wig to my head and back and forth. He didn't even move any other muscles! He finally decided that Grandma had "toy hair."

Of course, both our daughters are just beautiful, but our daughter, Kathy, was especially glowing! Their little boy is to arrive around August 20th.

While on the planes, I wore a surgical mask to keep from catching the bugs around us. Boy, you really become aware of all the coughing that goes on around you when you've had your immune system compromised. I also had to put it back on when we got in the shuttles, etc. It worked! I didn't catch anything!

Oh, and we have another baby calf. I even got to see it being born. Amazing! This one is about as big as the other one already! Of course he came out that big! Ouch! Both are frolicking about in the pasture. One more to be born!

Again, thank you for praying for me. I'm sure they are all being answered in the affirmative! I'm feeling great, and all looks pretty good.